Not expressing your feelings - watch out for 'Gaslighting'

“I don’t want them to be gaslighting my career.”

I didn’t entirely understand what my client meant as she used these words in a coaching session.

Merriam-Webster said in a blog post that gaslighting “has emerged as a word for our time” during the “age of misinformation.” (TOI link in comments)

It defines gaslighting as the “act or practice of grossly misleading someone especially for one’s own advantage.” Under its traditional use it is defined as a “psychological manipulation of a person” over time that causes the victim to “question the validity of their thoughts.”

Gaslighting causes anxiety, depression and other mental health conditions and is because of mental abuse in a relationship - personal or professional.

My client’s agenda was about her career choices and she was getting a lot of external inputs of what to do and what not to do.

For things which she felt passionate about, there was always a reason provided by another of why it was not the right choice for her or how it will not gather success.

Everyone has their share of let us say ‘well wishers’ who give advice. Many a times the advice becomes a nudge or a push.

Keep a look out for these signs of gaslighting, especially when it happens repeatedly in the presence of an individual or a group:

1) Doubting your feelings, your logical conclusions.

2) Feeling vulnerable or low in self esteem.

3) Lack of expression, you are often confused or sensitive about things.

4) Often feeling inadequate, insecure.

5) You feel something is wrong with you or get stuck in decision making because of trust issues.

Even if you don’t know the correct or the newest word that psychologists use, let your feelings guide you.

Expressing and listening to herself, helped my client avoid ill health and discover courage to find her true passion.

Do you feel others impose their choices on you? How does that make you feel?